Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
