i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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