So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
