I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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