He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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