mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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