Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
