Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
