yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
