idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
