just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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