you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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