I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
