12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
