so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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