Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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