if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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