i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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