When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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