I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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