i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
