They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
