I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
