You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
