i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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