i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
