so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
