so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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