i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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