I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
