one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
