i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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