I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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