party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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