well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
