i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
