He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
