I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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