I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Houston, we have a squirter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize