I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
