Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
