She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you inspire me to be a worse person
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize