things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize