i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
