i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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