i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
