So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize