you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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