based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
