My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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