It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
