My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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