hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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