Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
