I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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