What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
