I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
