I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
