You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
