if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
