1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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