it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The uberlube is also flammable
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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