Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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