I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
