how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
