I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
