His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
