she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
