She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
