This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
